Front:
HELL IN TEXAS
The Devil in Hell we're told was chained
And a thousand years he there remained,
He neither complained nor did he groan
But determined to start a hell of his own.
Where he could forment the souls of men
Without being chained in an underground pen
So he asked the Lord if he had on hand
Anything left when He made this land.
The Lord said, "Yes, I have plenty of land,
But I left it down on the Rio Grande.
The fact is, old boy, the stuff is real poor,
But you're welcome to it and plenty more,
So the Devil went down to look at the truck
And said if he took it as a gift he was stuck.
For after examining it carefully and well
He concluded the place was too dry for a hell.
So in order to get it off His hand,
The Lord promised to water the land.
For He had some water or rather some dregs
Rather cathartic and smelled like bad eaqs.
Hence the trade was closed and the deed was given
And the Lord went back to his home in Heaven.
The Devil said to himself, "I have all that is needed
To make a good hell," and hence he succeeded.
He began to put thorns all over the trees.
And mix up the sand with millions of fleas
He scattered tarantulas along the roads;
Put thorns on cactus and horns on toads.
He lengthened the horns of the Texas steers
And put an addition to the rabbit's ears.
He put a little devil in the broncho steed
And poisoned the feet of the centipede.
The rattlesnake bites you, the scorpion stings,
The mosquito delights you with his buzzing wings.
Sand-burs cause you to jig and dance
And those who sit down will have ants in their pants.
The Devil then said that throughout the land
He'd arrange to keep up the Devil's own brand
And all should be Maverick's unless they bore
Mars and scratches, or bites by the score.
The heat in the summer is one hundred and ten
Too hot for the Devil, too hot for the men
Go see for yourself and you can tell
'Tis a hell of a place he has for a hell.
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