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LIMBERGER CHEESE.
MA A sent me to pay a bill at the grocer's last Saturday. The boss behind the counter made
me a present of something wrapped in a piece of silver paper, which he told me was a
piece of Limberger Cheese. When I smelt what was inside I felt tired. Next day father and
mother were getting ready to go to church. I put a piece in the back pocket of father's pants
and another piece in the lining of ma's muff. I walked behind them when we started for church.
It was beginning to get warm. When we got in church father looked anxious and mother looked
as if something had happened. After the first hymn mother told father not to sing again, but
to keep his mouth shut and breathe through his nose. After the prayer, perspiration stood
on father's face, and the people in the next pew to ours got up and went out. After the next
hymn, father whispered to mother that he thought she'd better go out and air herself. After
the second lesson some of the churchwardens came round to see if there were any dead rats
in the church. The parson said they had better close the service and hold a meeting outside
to discuss the sanitary condition of the church. Father told mother thay had better go home
one at a time. Mother told father to go the nearest way home and disinfect himself before
she came. When they got home they both went into the front room but did not speak for some
time. Mother spoke first and told father to put the cat out of the room, she thought it was
going to be sick. It was sick before father could get it out. Mother then turned round and
noticed that the canary was dead. Mother told father not to sit so near the fire, it made it
worse. Father told mother to go and smother herself. Mother said she thought she was
smothered already. Just then our servant came in and asked if she should open the windows
as the room smelt very close. Father went upstairs and changed his clothes and had a hot bath.
Mother took father's clothes and offered them to a tramp, who said, "Thanks, kind lady, they
are a bit too high for me." Mother threw them over the back fence into the canal. Father
was summoned afterwards for poisoning the fish. Just then father had a note sent to him.
Father came to wish me good-night at 10 o'clock in the evening, with a note in one hand and a
razor strop in the other. I got under the bed. The people next door thought we were beating
carpets in our house. I cannot sit down comfortably yet. I have given my little sister what
I had left of the Limberger Cheese. I thought it a pity to waste it.
Published by SCHOLES, Torquay.
J
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